tHiS.iS.mE.

2008-09-25T10:53:00.000-07:00

I didn’t count on certain things to happen,
I don’t hate it, and I hate the fact that I don’t hate it
I am not being fair, hurting people ‘cause I can
This is dangerous, awfully familiar again.

Closer and closer we get.
Like we’re almost there but we can’t cross it yet
My heart beats fast to the sound of your chest
I can’t do this, yet I can’t let this end

You have dangerous eyes.
It traps me when I look at them
Like I wanna get lost in your eyes
And forget the rest of the world in them.

I can't.
Dangerous,

The lullaby you wish you'd never hear

2007-10-16T21:55:00.000-07:00

Verse 1.
So I'll rock myself to sleep
It's just you and me now
Slowly entering my dreams
It's just you and me now
Savoring the hopeless as it seems

Verse 2.
When we are a thousand miles apart
I'd cry a million heartaches for you
The distance is breaking my heart
And I wish it could be whole again for you

Chorus.
When my night is your day
How can we be looking at the same star?
When my night is your day
Then all my tomorrow is your today.
So maybe I'll tell you how I really feel
Or save it for when you're finally near
This lullaby you wish you'd never hear

Verse 3.
So I'll rock myself to sleep
I guess I really am alone now
I'll see you in these dreams
I guess I really am alone now
Feeding on the memories as it seems

Repeat Verse 2.
When we are a thousand miles apart
I'd cry a million heartaches for you
The distance is breaking my heart
And I wish it could be whole again for you

Repeat Chorus.
When my night is your day
How can we be looking at the same star?
When my night is your day
Then all my tomorrow is your today.
So maybe I'll tell you how I really feel
Or save it for when you're finally near
This lullaby you wish you'd never hear.

Last Verse:
Maybe if I sing it loud and clear,
I'd make it so you'd finally hear
I'll share the same sky with you someday
And perhaps that'll be the day

I'll find myself home again.

Look into my heart

2007-10-16T21:43:00.000-07:00

You reach out ............ You are forever

for merely a glance ....... my last great dance

from a place even my restless eyes can't see

it's a slow and painful death everytime.

You are a part of me. As if we were

broken down by some twist of fate

I hear you crying in my sleep

I blow futile kisses east

slightly downcast

waiting for

the way

home

stupid stupid eyes.

2007-02-24T04:59:00.000-08:00

thick lenses might have blurred it all
those eyes reveal the tragic fall
he lost, he did.. still she lost more
failing to see what lies in the core.

he did everything a hundred percent
the sweetest things were left unsaid
she could've seen, she could've tried
not knowing why she wouldn't change her mind.

what's up with your stupid stupid eyes?
not letting prince charming charm his way inside..
what's up with your stupid stupid eyes?
could've been a perfect world, if you let him in your life.

=/

all because he woke me up.

2006-12-14T04:46:00.000-08:00

i went further and further adrift
not knowing when to tell myself to quit
cause i keep closing my eyes
to shield myself from tragic goodbyes

and then there was the blissful cold
which snapped me back to where i should be
seems like reality has taken its hold
and the light is fin'lly shining over me.

so now my eyes are wide open
and it's not so bad after all
cause even if the worst things happen
someone will be here when i call

thanks to him, im finally awake
thanks to him, my heart no longer aches
when everything lacking seems to be enough
and it's all because he woke me up.

waffles and strawberries

2006-11-24T22:51:00.000-08:00

Ain't life a bitch without you
to hold my hand to stop the shaking
to keep my stupid heart from breaking
thank god there's.. you.

keep my world from falling apart
i don't care just take my heart

Cause it's all about you and me
and the waffles and the strawberries
there's the flower, there's the bee
then again, there's you and me. (2x)

Cause life's a drag without you
to make me smile when i feel like crying
to hold me close when a storm is coming
thank god there's.. you.

keep my world from falling apart
i don't care just take my heart

Cause it's all about you and me
and the waffles and the strawberries
there's the flower, there's the bee
then again, there's you and me. (2x)

Can still remember what you said
about the waffles and the strawberries in bed
when all this is through, the first thing i'll do
is run back to you..

And tell you, you were right all along. =P

fly

2006-09-24T04:16:00.000-07:00

birds were meant to fly
up in that pristine sky
birds were meant to fly
without as much as a goodbye

where will i be
if the bird decides to fly away
where will i be
to find it and ask it to stay?

someday soon it'll all be over
the space in my heart deprived of its owner
someday soon it'll all be over
the days may have already been numbered

the trees would seem awfully lost
if the bird decides to fly away
what's inevitable is the lingering loss
of those long, lonely, forgotten days

with its song edged in my head
as i lie awake in my bed
looking out the narrow window
seeing nothing but the empty shadows

of the things that used to be
with the bird now flying free
you can't keep it from where it should be
that's how it is with you and me

sheesha

2006-09-02T00:49:00.000-07:00

smoke gets in your eyes.
it reeks the sweetness of apple
let yourself sink in paradise
and amongst the clouds, we fall.

pass the tube around
be deaf and oblivious to the sound
of people speaking incomprehensibly
focus on the white puffs floating free.

somehow i've always known
good things never last..
after tasting the sweetness from your lips
in comes the bitterness from its tips.

the smoke is still there
with the flavor vanishing
now all i'll do is stare
at your white ghost disappearing

into thin air.

steady

2006-08-18T03:27:00.000-07:00

i want you
it's all passionate
the mere touch burns
with me aching to get closer.

a complete mess..
my hair as ruffly as ever
makeups all smudged.
red lipstick on your mouth.

it's just you and me
everything else is on the floor
turn the lights off
and let's be together.

Real Affections Leave People Heartbroken

2006-07-04T20:35:00.000-07:00

heart.

sometimes it hurts..
wanting to be with you.
sometimes it hurts..
knowing i cant have you

and now i dont know why
i dont seem to care anymore
anything's better than goodbye
knowing its u im fighting for.

im fighting for your heart
and perhaps i want to save it..
even when u said from the start
that somewhere before u've lost it

i love you..
is that really hard to believe
i cant give up on you
or are u gonna tell me to leave?

falling apart and getting burned..
when all i wanted to do was to touch you..
and still i stay cause i still yearn..
for this one chance of being with you..

remember that heart. =(

his name on the sand

2006-05-13T03:36:00.000-07:00

she watched the incoming waves on the shore,
writing his name on the semi-dry sand.
he was on her mind,and she was almost sure
that as the soft soil touched her scribbling hand

she was also on his

she wrote his name on the sand,
only to be washed away by my tears
how can one just understand
how tragic an old love is

here where hope has seized to exist

i watched the incoming waves on the shore
and where new love blooms, i shall cry no more
and waiting for my own handwriting to find its way back to the sea.
where his fading name remains unsent, unread and unseen

lonely

2006-04-08T13:50:00.000-07:00

crying behind the smile
and nobody sees the tears.
this must be the reason why
everybody fears

being lonely.

shattered promises and broken tomorrows
neverending "please don't go's"
sitting down and waiting
for half of my life to come walking

.. no, to come crawling back.

wasting all these years.. these years
that can pass by in a split second
holding back the liquid sorrows from the spheres
from the spheres they call my eyes.

only for them to river their way out..

just when i was about to go
having had enough of it all.
i see you coming back from a distance..
it seems you found your way back with a vengeance

and i find myself back where i started.

back where i waited for you for so long
back where i cried myself to sleep
back when i sang those awful bitter songs
..

no more.

i dont need another reason to cry.
i dont need a reason to smile for a second
only to find myself dying for a lifetime
in hearing you say goodbye

for the hundredth time.

wishing it all away.

2006-04-08T13:48:00.000-07:00

i'm digging my inner soul for a lamp with a genie inside.

i'm wishing for all the pain to subside..

i'm wishing all my tears to dry

i'm waiting for some sort of sign

that i'll be alright.

i'll be alright.

i'm wishing it all away

wishing for someone to take me away..

take me away.

i'll be yours forever

just take me away.

princess

2006-03-23T04:40:00.000-08:00

dear boo..
there are so many things i'd like to say
things that are long overdue
but still i'll say it anyway

i was the happiest girl in the world
that time when i was with you
every memories edged its way in a blur
and i used to think you felt it too

you never had to give me anything
and perhaps you knew it all too well
all that happiness you thought you didnt bring
lingers in my every smile, still.

i felt i didnt deserve your goodbye
that time when you felt you had to leave
and you never answered the question why
after all this time i still believe

and now i feel like i have to stop
all that crying is more than enough
to mend the soul you always break
and to stop the tears i can no longer take

i did wait for you, you ought to know
although i said i wont, i never could let go
did you ever know i loved you with the whole of me?
and i lost myself along the way, to see you flying free

and i thought i could live through it all
i thought you couldnt have hurt me any less
dead wrong.. im dying inside.. you took it all..
when you called someone else your princess.

dont i at least deserve that?

and still i cry.

2006-03-15T22:18:00.000-08:00

i said im fine..
after that goodbye
and only at night
when i close my eyes..

and still i cry..

you've hurt me
far too much i believe
you've always wanted to be
the last one standing free.

and still i cry.

i wake up all the time
with routines in my mind
i smile.. that graceful smile
going out, it's all worthwhile

and still i cry.

i dont want to be the lonely one
i dont want to be that someone
you'll forget about when you're 51
i dont want to be the foolish one

and still i cry.

still i cry.

i cried and i cried.

please make it go away..

far away

2006-02-08T06:23:00.000-08:00

i admit i'm missing you
after all this time i still do.
i see you from afar
to me you're like that star
i've been trying so hard to reach

i admit i still ache for you
all the memories come blasting through
i've been trying desperately to forget
no matter what i do i can't seem to shake it
the taunting thoughts of you.

birthdays

2006-02-01T22:48:00.000-08:00

don't say it's a happy birthday
when you're not even happy in the 1st place
don't you just want to hope and pray
and believe that blowing candles will take you away..

happy birthday to me..
all it takes is a little convincing
a year older but merely a mini-thought wiser
yes.. this is me.

no one else

2006-01-22T20:20:00.000-08:00

looking at you
i will always see
the light that's shining from your eyes
and i'll be
hoping that
i can hold that hand
and spend my life.. with you

so tell me you feel it too
then maybe i wouldn't be so blue
touch me once again
and i'll never be the same again

touching you
holding you
tell me are you feeling it too

taking you
breathing you
all it takes is a little of me
and a lot of you.

answer me

2006-01-15T00:20:00.000-08:00

you have always told me
there was nothing greater
than the power of you and me
that there was nothing stronger
than the love you feel for me

but one faithful day
you decided you were lying
that one faithful day
you suddenly stopped saying
the things i've wanted you to say

and then it was all gone
please answer me..
is it over and done?
i'm still hanging where you left me
are you having fun?

shit happens

2006-01-11T01:13:00.000-08:00

walking on the road to life
stepping on shit along the way
it just happens, know why?
cause if it didn't, that'll be the day.

buying a new pair of shoes
hoping on a jump start to paradise
taking that step only to lose
and trip on that loose pair of ties

the road is too short
but the path is too dirty
i don't want my life cut short
and mess up these dreams so dainty

.. shit happens

hanggang dito

2006-01-05T19:35:00.000-08:00

dahan dahan akong tumingin,
sa ngayon, bukas, at kahapon..
ano pa ba ang pwedeng tanawin?
ang mapait na alaala ng matamis na kahapon?

hanggang dito nalang ba,
ang ngiting dati'y napakasaya
sa panig nating dalawa
nawala na nga yata.

hanggang dito nalang ba,
ang noo'y di akalaing mawawala
wala na bang natitira
sa samahang dati'y kay ligaya?

ni minsan di ko inisip
ni minsan di ko pinroblema
ang ngayo'y sumisipsip
sa pusong wala nang pagsinta..

watch me cry

2005-12-26T20:39:00.000-08:00

looking at the evening sun
wond'ring how it all began
tears are welling
heartache's springing
from these eyes..

where did laughter go?
i truly miss it so
why did i choose bliss?
i never wanted this
never ending torment..

feel me in those hands
maybe then you'll understand
why misery escapes my fiendish smile
why simple joys besmear with guile
perhaps someday..

deep.

2005-12-12T23:20:00.000-08:00

tell me not, my soul's desires
and i shan't say a word
blue flames withhold no fire
only false hopes of the world

life is of no consequence
when the heart is of the essence
speak of wisdom forever bound
by meaningless squibble of sounds

you are my scilla and carybdis
on both ends with no happiness
fate determining each step
closer to you? or closer to you still?

it makes no difference, resistance is futile
in a game called abstinence, one must only lose
to the voices of ignorance and gile
nevertheless i still must choose

the pains of heaven and the beauties of hell
the lingering peace in the tormenting shell
willingly breaking apart, is it not?
for everything i willed and hoped.

almost

2005-11-11T11:15:00.000-08:00

i almost fell for that smile
and those beautiful eyes
staring so deep into mine
promising nothing but goodbye

i almost fell for that touch
the warmth in that big hand
giving me so much of a rush
so much depth i can't understand

...

i almost fell.. yes i did..
almost.

barbero

2005-10-16T22:56:00.000-07:00

back when i believed those lies
always finding the truth in your eyes
realizing it wasn't really there
becoming numb to the point i didn't care
eventually seeing through the things you said
rightfully returning all that bullshit
over that and your sweet sweet smile i cry
memorizing your lines and how it made me fly
out of sight, i finally know the sweet liar that you are

sad

2005-09-30T21:44:00.000-07:00

to love someone is to wait
a minute, an hour, a day
as long as it takes
for you to comeback & stay

here is where my heart is
falling apart, almost hopeless
i don't want to leave yet
i don't want to give up just yet

teach me to let go if you must
my hands are all bruised up
my tears are falling fast
i really cant give this up

help me.

kapit. (walang kwenta.) 5min poem

2005-09-02T03:55:00.000-07:00

mga kamay ko
na dating hawak mo
nandito pa rin
kung san iniwan mo

sabi mo pa noon
di ka bibitaw
di ka mawawala
ngayon di ko na matanaw

ang hirap pala..
kumapit sa taong bumitaw na
umasa sa pag-ibig na nawala
maghintay sa taong sumuko na

ang hirap.. ang sakit
ang ayaw bumitaw ng pilit
ang walang sawang pagkapit
bakit ka bumitaw, bakit?

by anonymous (song)

2005-08-08T00:53:00.000-07:00

dear you
i've loved you..
from the first time i laid eyes on you
and you
dont know how you
changed my life
w/o having to do
a single thing

so i..
kept telling myself that i
shouldn't feel so fine
just by seeing you walk by
it just lights me up
and for me that's enough

but maybe i should stop
or maybe i should just let you know
it just isnt fair
watching you from the side
it so aint fair..

it really aint fair..

coz you cant see me looking at you..

[note: by anonymous title nyan pero ako gumawa.. hehe!]

seizing to exist

2005-08-01T01:05:00.000-07:00

the echoing murmurs of doubt
with fear loudly calling out
and the internal battle of wits
slowly consume the whole of me

one day.. just a second is all it takes
for life to slowly slip away
maybe everything will be justified
before i get the chance to say goodbye

the routine is killing me.
technically i've never been so alive
but inside i'm struggling to breathe
and i'm running out of time

nobody feels it.. no one knows
but my soul is edging out
hiding in fear of those
who judge based on ignorant doubt

you will never see me
you will never fear the haunting beast
i so brilliantly kept within
and now my heart is seizing to exist.

what can you do for me now?
what can you do about things you don't know?

nothing.

sidelines

2005-07-24T22:06:00.000-07:00

it's sad enough..
that i'm not the first person
entering your thoughts as u wake up
nor can you find any reason
why i'm someone you can't live without
except the fact that time has come and gone
and i'm still here, and we can't give up

back then we were so precious.
what happened to you and me?
i feel like i'm blinded by your light
slowly being pushed to the side
and it hurts me deep inside
that i can't deal with all the pride

don't stay because i asked you to.
don't do everything i tell you to
don't hold my hand for the world to see
if in truth you are ashamed of me

and you know deep down you deserve more
and i deserve far less
than all that you are..

and all that you've become

tissue

2005-07-22T02:14:00.000-07:00

Life isn't always what it seems
From afar it looks like trash
Just trash.. but then again my dreams
Are about to be thrown away...

Scribbling thoughts on a piece of paper
People looking in thoughtful wonder
Never knowing what or how
Never trying to find out somehow

Maybe something pointless
Gives reason to someone's existence
Someone just like me
Between hopes and toiletry...

(written on a tissue paper at mcdonald's katipunan
a piece of poetry just rescued from the garbage can)

crap02

2005-06-16T03:57:00.000-07:00

there it goes
a lifetime of infinite passions
all broken down to abyss
by one mind-boggling kiss

all was not what was hoped for
in the end it had been surpassed
for you alone have given it more
than what i wanted in the past

a notion of fairy tales
as pathetic as one seems
wake me up when reality fails
i would rather have these dreams..

your eyes will forever haunt me
with memories of them piercing my soul
wishing you will never see
the foolishness that has taken its toll

i am forever bound
with what was and what will never be
lasting a minute, pray you won't hear the sound
of my tears as i set you free..

twin songs for my boo

2005-05-12T02:22:00.000-07:00

LET ME

all alone, i wished for a lot of things
you don't know how hard it was
to continously hope for the same things
only to eventually let it pass

and then you looked at me for the first time
and you smiled that certain smile
maybe miracles happen after all
if only you'd let us both fall

let me let myself be with you
let me know if you feel it too
let me believe in hope for us two
let me let myself be with you

------------

MIXED UP

twisted, that's how everything was
jaded, everything still is
waking up in a messed up world
don't you think it's all wrong?

things aren't where they're supposed to be
what is this supposed to be?
looking around, everything isb't in place
and i stopped to see your pretty face

~everything may have gotten mixed up
but it's ok..
we still have you and me
don't we?

weird, words have smashed in my head
and i don't even know how to end it
this song about you and me
and this twisted crazy-ass world

i'm mixed up..

who are you?

2005-04-27T13:39:00.000-07:00

strangers pass by
and days turn to night
truth masking lies
it turns to blind my eyes

sunlight burning evil's skin
until night revives it yet again
the cycle goes on
and on and on until we're gone

what is thy name?
should i even know?
when did you possess my foolish soul?
such finite pleasures satisfy my all

should i be really scared?
is this bargain worth the wait?
a deal with an unknown friend or foe
what should i believe in? to stay or to go?

finally i sign an unbreakable contract
i'm finally bound with satisfaction
my heart burns, my mind aches, my soul loses
finally i uncover the mask of redemption

so this is who you are after all
this agonizing joy we often call

love.

miracles

2005-04-09T13:35:00.000-07:00

it happens..
maybe not that often
but it does.
it really does.

whenever i see that smile
that smile only you can give
i start to be just fine
and then i begin to believe

just when i was losing hope
you show up
you made everything come true
the miracle i've been thinking of

was the miracle i found in you

the friend

2005-04-01T11:42:00.000-08:00

the hypocrite
gave up
the foolish fight
tonight.

he said
let's just be friends
and broke her heart
in the end

she waited
for a sign
and hesitated
to cry

but she did

she loved him
for the longest time she did
until now
but she has to stop somehow

he wants to be her friend
and so she will be
let's hope it's not the end
of a beautiful story

empty nights

2005-03-28T16:52:00.000-08:00

.. oh that star
my special star
the one star i prayed on
has finally moved on

what happens after a star falls?
do i get to have a wish?
does it mean anything at all?
leaving me to hopeless abyss

i'm just so tired, you know?
maybe miracles don't exist after all
maybe it's foolish to let myself fall
for something as pointless as an answered call

time to let it all go.
no longer will i hope
no longer will i set myself up
in time to see that once is finally enough

hangganan

2005-03-21T06:52:00.000-08:00

sa paglakad mo tungo sa kanya
lumingon ka parin sana..
andito lang ako, pilit sumusulyap
sa isang pumapalayong mukha

pag di na kita matanaw
unti-unti rin akong lalayo
unti-unting luluha
dahan-dahang bibitaw

marahil kabilang ako sa iyong nakaraan
ang panahon ma'y walang katapusan
ang pangarap ko'y meron ding hangganan
tulad ng mga salitang dati mong binitawan

sa paglipas ng panahon
matutuyo rin ang lungkot sa aking mata
siguro nga tama ka
kahit papano tanggap ko na

hindi tayo para sa isa't isa..

wall climbing

2005-03-20T11:25:00.000-08:00

i keep trembling
then falling
constantly trying
reaching in vain

never look back
behind me lies the end
once i start the act
i'll have plenty of time to spend

i will not let go
i refuse to give up
i climbed this far
once will never be enough

still, reality bites
sooner or later i'll slip
but it doesn't stop the climb
and i'll start with another step..

i'm afraid to fall
but i'm not afraid to try
again and again and again
still not knowing why..

the lonely fool

2005-03-17T08:00:00.000-08:00

there she goes again..
thinking about him
over and over again..
still as sad as she was back then

please stop crying
tears won't keep you from falling
it won't help erase the feeling
admit it, you still love him.

isn't it so lonely?
how someone can change you completely
only to eventually set him free
there she is, still hoping miserably

just look at the lonely fool
trying to pretend that it's all cool
using an empty mask as a tool
to hide every hurt that's inevitable

shit. don't you just hate mirrors?

i hate it!!

2005-03-15T12:20:00.000-08:00

i hate it..

not seeing you
not knowing how you are
not knowing what to do
me being here you being far

going to places
i know i've been in with you
seeing familiar faces
not being able to tell you

having a really funny joke
only to frown again
remembering all the laughter
and the smiles we share back then

reading old love letters
smiling to myself
just then realization comes in
from now on i'm all by myself

seeing old pictures
we were so happy
i wish there is a cure
for losing you completely

not being able to forget
all the memories of you and me
now that everything has been said
don't you just hate it?

insomnia

2005-03-13T12:37:00.000-08:00

put me to sleep
i'm in so much pain
it keeps me awake
such deep thoughts in my head

you are my life-long dream
and i've been trying to reach you
here i am in the same bed
without you in it.. enough said

a peaceful slumber
it's something i lack
words are all that's left
here in an aching heart

i close my eyes
with the mere thought of you
tears falling as cold as ice
until it retires too

finally i start to dream
knowing that it's unreal
i picture what used to be
and i never want to wake again

everyday is the same thing
it hurts to feel it then
the same as it feels now
teach me to let it go somehow

please.

crap01

2005-02-19T22:19:00.000-08:00

when did we start this game,
only to lose yet again?
i have been so patient, you see
waiting for the day you'll come back to me

when did our love so warm
turn out to be as frozen as we are?
ur eyes, they used to burn for me..
when did you look and cease to see?

now all we have is nothing
memories of how love was back then
dont tell me everything i hold so dear
was all just a lie, im numb with fear..

i used to think loving you was a gamble..
i just didnt know how painful it was to fall

until now...

alaala

2005-02-16T05:28:00.000-08:00

isang araw..
nakilala kita..
isang matamis na ngiti
di ko matago ang aking kilig

binalikan ko ang kahapon
narinig ko ang kasiyahan noon
init ng mga yakap
langit sa isang sulyap.

isang araw..
bigla akong nagising
alaala ng isang ikaw
at walang katapusang hiling

naaalala ko pa rin lahat
ngunit ako'y biglang namulat
tila panaginip lang lahat
di ko alam kung saan nag-ugat

isang araw..
tinitigan ko ang yong mga mata
naghanap ako ngunit di ko na makita
mga alaalang tuluyang nang nawala

bilib din ako sa iyo
sa paglimot sa lahat ng akala ko'y totoo
sa paglimot sa lahat ng mga pangako
walang hanggan, at naniwala ako

isang araw..
ninais kong mangarap muli
marahil di na ikaw ang bida
at ako naman, burado parin sa yong alaala

cAviTe tRiP..

2005-01-26T08:23:00.000-08:00

cAviTe tRiP.., originally uploaded by LaRcEyYy.

cRaZy cRaZy cRaZy
gOtTa LoVe tHeSe LaDiEs..
mEaNnE aNne kHaRMi
jAnEL CeLtS mAdDy
aPpLe MaDeL LeTsKiE
aNd yOuRs tRuLy,,
LaRcEy..
HiHiHi!!!

terribly afraid

2005-01-23T01:35:00.000-08:00

why am i still scared?
there is nothing behind those doors..
why am i afraid of what's not there?
what else do i have to live for?

the dark is highly depressing
but the silence is comforting..
what needs to be seen?
where have i not been?

do i have to wake up
with wounds on my hands
and pain in my heart
and blood on my pants?

i was shaking
but you never saw me tremble
i was shouting
but you never heard my calls

where were you
that night when i was asking for you?
to lose you is my greatest fear..
and now im terribly afraid.

numbers(inspired while reviewing)

2005-01-20T06:17:00.000-08:00

infinitely
it goes on and on
something concrete
yet invisible to me

definitely
the count continues
in a tragedy
of something overused

here we go again
wasting our lives yet again
searching for an end
inexistent, constantly in vain

why is there a need
for something unseen
merely a name for everything else
maybe just a lie it seems

looking back
seeing history repeat itself
we are slaves of what is left
so-called education, blind and deaf

can't you see

2005-01-19T09:31:00.000-08:00

hOw cLoSe, originally uploaded by LaRcEyYy.

that was a long time ago
you and me
everyone knows we're happy
are we really?

i know i am..
but are you?

what's red?

2005-01-17T01:39:00.000-08:00

my eyes hurt..
my soul yearned..
for something unfelt
uncertain i burned

everything went black
can't put up the act
no one ever knew
what i wanted to do

being alone
was never good for me
life would go on
no one would ever see..

i'm dying inside
no one knew why
no one ever saw
the face i tried to hide

i needed someone
but i found there's no one
the cut was too deep
maybe i'll cry myself to sleep

for yet another time
i missed the vital part
for yet another time
the constant beatin of my heart

when will it stop?
it's too painful to hear
why am i still here?
what do i have to fear?

death. anger. pain.
sorrow. lifeless yet again
and again and again
until there's nothing left and then

what happens next?

Flickr

2005-01-13T09:12:00.000-08:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

bullshit

2005-01-13T04:15:00.000-08:00

a week ago..
i texted u with my sister's fone
i asked if you'd still go
cause i didn't wna be alone..

i didn't leave my name..
u thought i was someone else
your excuse is really lame..
do you think you know me too well?

i can see your lies a mile away
how can u swear it to my face?
if i didn't love you i would've left
when u broke the promises you said you've kept

handkerchief

2005-01-11T10:00:00.000-08:00

you were behind me,
silently wishing
hoping someday i'll look back
i never did, that's a fact.

in tears, i never could see
how miserable i have become
until you decided to set me free
just when i thought i was alone

how can you see me
crying secretly
behind my dazzling smile
charading for quite a while

i never did need your hanky
but somehow you gave it to me
as if i wanted it somehow
i just never knew, until just now

you know me too well..
you know just how to tell..
what's real and what is not
from my awfully convincing act

pReTtY bArX..

baroque

2005-01-10T11:37:00.000-08:00

do i ever tell you
i am wrong in grammar?
so what is new?
just think i smart

when was last times

you ever laughing to me?

thinking i so funny

today please feeling free

you must think i stupid,

do it really matter?

i only know one thing

that is loving you forever

do i have to be righting

in saying what i wanting

for you to understanding

what i really feeling?

will you still accepting me

even if i cant speak it right

or will you avoiding me

cause me not very bright?

maybe three word can make up

maybe it is all enough

i love you

3 things i say that right

is it alright?

all over again

2005-01-09T09:11:00.000-08:00

I guess i lost again

Seems like another dead end
Trusting your lies,
Inevitably doubting my eyes
Love is a formidable foe
Letting me fail by not letting you go

Losing myself another time
Only to see my eyes turn blind
Vaguely feeling my aching heart
Eating my pride and tearing it apart

Yesterday i did say goodbye
Overly frightened, i still try to fight
Until i've convinced myself i've won

But still i'm giving in, i've gone back home
Another defeat for fear of being alone
Because without you i'm as empty as before
You did hurt me but leaving you hurts me more

black coffee

2005-01-09T02:29:00.000-08:00

i got drunk
i was intoxicated..
i thought i could forget
all the things i hated

i was dizzy,
to me everything was blurry..
you looked better that way,
that time when i was dazed

it took me years to decide
that i finally want to wake up..
at first it tasted awful
but then it became enough

now that i'm awake
im seeing things for the first time
everything looked so fake
but it was real, it only took a while

you are my addiction
maybe you aren't true
but i am not fiction
coz i still love you..

am i still willing to accept
the paradise you made me feel?
the feelings i have silently kept
the wounds you willingly healed

god, i wish i was still drunk..

say goodbye

2005-01-07T05:57:00.000-08:00

why must i care?
although you were with me
i can hardly feel you there
tell me, should i set you free?

why must you tell me you love me
only to break what's left of my heart?
slowly, surely, completely
should i live with who you are?

now i'm seeing you from afar..
it feels like i'm trying to reach
one hell of a star
that i so willingly wish

no more

hopelessly i succumb
to the loneliness of being alone
in an empty space of my soul-less room
finally giving up on reaching home

poetry

2004-12-30T13:57:00.000-08:00

new year

time passes

i fear

empty pockets

life awaits

with a new face

that is me

only unseen

people come

only to go

nobody's home

i'm dead broke

oh well

who knows?

i can tell

by poetry not prose

but here i am